Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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