I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
