What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
