It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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