Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
