My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
