I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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