bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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