chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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