HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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