Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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