I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
