if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
