I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
