So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
