I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
