Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
