just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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