I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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