It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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