Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
