I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
