The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
