nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
false alarm, still single
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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