It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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