I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I want a musical about memes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
