I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
