when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
