Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
