They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
