I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
