I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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