My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize