I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
