I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
