Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
