im holly from the hills drunk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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