I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
