He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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