I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
