i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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