So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
