my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
