so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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