Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
