Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
