Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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