New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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