Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
