We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
