did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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