no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
