hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
