I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
