don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
