Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
