You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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