I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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