What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's rum buckets o'clock
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
