so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
