Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
