I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
