True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
