i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
