hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How's work?
Spinning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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