Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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