so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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