look no pants
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
