Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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