In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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