Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
