from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
