Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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