Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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