she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
